Tumbling Doubt
by MakeMeCrazier
Summary: "He spends his time reciting the colleges he applied to. Three in New York City, two in Ohio, and one in California. He recites the names by spelling them aloud, perfecting his diction on every single letter." Blaine worries about college choices.


**Bleh. It's short. I'm working on like 3 other stories, but I wrote this in a whim. Not quite sure if I like it. I always make Blaine give these speeches that remind me of Puck's comment on romantic movies giving guys vaginas. I'm iffy about the ending; I was tempted to create happy Finchel, but left it alone, so, sorry for that. So, whatever. Posting anyways. I'm working on an AU. Let's see if I actually finish it. Read&Review this if you want.**

_"Doubt is uncomfortable, certainty is ridiculous." - Volaire_

* * *

><p><strong>Tumbling Doubt<strong>

The relationship _almost_ crumbles publicly on the fifth of September during Mike's inner alcohol-free living room party. His mother almost tried to order Chinese food for the lot of them, but Mike managed to convince his mom to settle on pizza. It was in broad daylight, the sunshine seeping through white lace curtains, seeping straight into Finn's eyes annoyingly.

It happened because Blaine had been having tension in his shoulders, stiffing up every time the mention of Finn or Rachel came up. Their names always brought back memories to their fight, the one that he was perched atop of Kurt's bed, as they both quietly listened to the sound of raging voices.

"_I don't understand how she could've worn this," Blaine stares at the magazine cover, unable to stop gawking at Helena Bonham Carter's absurd dress that she wore to the Golden Globes. "I mean, she's wearing mismatched shoes!"_

_Kurt laughs, his head tilting back when he looks at his boyfriend's adorable mask of confusion._

"_I told you, Finn! I told you that you needed to back off eventually!" A voice shouts from the hallway, and it's moments like these that Kurt regrets having a bedroom right next to Finn's._

"_You know, for someone who's pretty self-determined on what she wants, you sure seem to have no problem giving me up easily," He counters back, his tone sarcastic and Kurt really didn't want to hear this right now. Not when the lazy summer day was spent with Blaine laughing on his bed. _

"_Easily?" Rachel screeches. "I __**warned**__ you. I told you that I was going to go to New York and that that was final. It's not easy, and believe me when I say, I've savored every single moment we had together this senior year."_

"_No," Finn says shocked, and Blaine barely catches it. Blaine shifts, his shoulders stiffening when he realized he and Kurt hadn't talked about it at all. They've mentioned their future multiple times for sure, but Blaine and Kurt never actually sat down to talk about college applications or New York at all. "No, you're not doing this now." _

_Blaine's heart breaks for Finn, somehow wanting to scowl when he sees Kurt roll his eyes at his brother's drama. He wants to call Kurt out for that, but he doesn't, too afraid that that might mean admitting how he could've been in Finn's position right now._

"_I go to New York in four weeks, Finn. I —" She sobs, and Blaine can imagine her petite shoulders racking up and down sadly. "I don't know what to do. I have to— I have to go and follow my dreams. You know I do."_

"_I'll love you. Forever," Finn says, and the voice echoes through Kurt's thin walls and hollow room. He has never felt more awkward being around Kurt than he does right now. _

"_I have to go to the bathroom," Blaine mumbles, and tries his best not to rush out of the room abnormally. When he gets to the bathroom, he spends his time reciting the colleges he applied to. Three in New York City, two in Ohio, and one in California. He recites the names by spelling them aloud, perfecting his diction on every single letter until he can will himself to go back into Kurt's room._

He glances up from his position on the couch right next to Kurt, who was chatting it up at the party with Tina about the latest Gaga hit, to catch a glimpse at Finn's hand clasping Rachel's tightly. He sees Finn look at Rachel, and it almost makes him ache at how they're pretending so much right now. Like they don't know that they'll be miles apart and it won't work in just four weeks.

"What colleges did you apply to and get accepted in?" Blaine mumbles, his eyes stinging, as if he was sitting by a bonfire and the smoke kept attacking him at his face. He taps Kurt's shoulder, and looks at him with sincere emotion that he's only shown a few times before.

"Now? You want to talk about this _now_?" Kurt can feel himself raging, and Blaine can see it too. Kurt scoffs, "We'll talk about it later."

"_No_," Blaine protests so firmly that it shocks both of them. And Kurt kind of drops his mouth open slightly at Blaine's tone, because Blaine knows how to say 'No' teasingly, but it's never felt this cruel. "Now. Because I don't want to become the next Finn and Rachel, pretending everything's okay when it's not. Because you and I are supposed to be the poster couple of New Directions, and we've been avoiding _this _of all things." Blaine tries to hide his sniffle as much as he can.

Finn snaps his head to Blaine at the mention of his name, and multiple eyes turn to both of them, seeing as it wasn't the largest living room.

"_What. Colleges_?" Blaine repeats firmly, trying not to cry.

"NYU, accepted into the Graduate school of Arts and Science. Juilliard, not accepted. Columbia, accepted into Theater," Kurt licks his lips anxiously, waiting for some sign of recognition in Blaine's eyes.

"Is that all?"

"Ohio State University, accepted." He quietly mumbles.

Blaine grimaces at him, "For me? Am I right?"

Kurt's eyes magically water within seconds as he nods. "Your turn."

"NYU, Arts and Science, but not the same one you got into. Cornell, not accepted. Juilliard, in which I got accepted into music," Blaine pauses, and then sucks in a breath, looking away from Kurt to continue. "UCLA, accepted into Theater. OSU, not accepted. And CSU, accepted."

"Three colleges away from New York," Kurt says to himself. "You _—_ you doubted, didn't you?"

"Yes," Blaine admits, honestly, looking at Kurt like it was okay, and that they were this honest with each other all the time. "And you decided to go to...?" Blaine shuts his eyes tight, but in the midst of the moment he grabs Kurt's hand, because his boyfriend was always there when he needed him, and this is one of those moments that Blaine really just wants the best friend side of Kurt.

"Co_—_Columbia," Kurt stutters, shaking his head in frustration. How could they let this happen and wait this long to find out if they would be spending their college years together or not?

"Juilliard," Blaine breathes out in a gasping air of relief. His chest literally hurts right now, he feels like he's held in his breath too long and his lungs were tangled inside his small beating heart for several minutes. He shakes his head in disbelief to himself, "It was too good to pass."

"You doubted _us_, though," And suddenly Kurt's sobbing openly, and they're both aware but at the same time, not caring at all about the stares they were given from their fellow Glee Club members. Blaine's heart sinks because it reminds him too much of when they went to Prom together, having something so cruel happen in the midst of their beginning relationship, maturing them quickly. It's not Kurt's fault for not talking about colleges, because Blaine knows that he was in that other half. Blaine knows he has to be honest about everything right now, because there's not a doubt that he loves Kurt, definitely not and he knows he needs to make that clear.

"I did, Kurt." He can feel Mercedes about to make some protest to protect her best friend, but she lets him continue. Kurt continues to cry, quietly now, looking at Blaine confusedly. Blaine's eyes sting even more, suddenly feeling like he was slapped in the face and this was the aftersting. "I did, and it's going to happen again. You're going to come home from Columbia one day, and there's going to be this amazing gay guy in your class and you're going to try to reassure me that there's nothing going on, and I won't believe you. It's going to happen at some point, and it's going to be _really hard_. But that's what relationships _are_."

He takes Kurt's cheek into his hand, and Kurt leans against the reassurance. "They're not complete trust, they're not complete honesty, but they are complete **_love_**, _okay_? And I'll love you. Forever," Blaine only just realizes that he may have taken Finn's line accidentally from the fight, but he just shuts himself up as soon as Kurt's lips are on his for a brief moment of pressure. He can almost taste the pain on Kurt's soft lips, and feel how much he shouldn't have doubted, but how he couldn't help it all the while.

"And Blaine?" Kurt slightly giggles, relaxed that the Glee Club made no further comment, but resumed to their usual chatter.

"Yeah?" Blaine brushes Kurt's soft cheek, in awe of his boyfriend's eyes and smile, and basically every feature.

"If anything, it's going to have to be me worrying about all those Juilliard guys," He attempts to half-heartedly joke.

"No, you won't," Blaine smiles. Then he looks to Finn and Rachel, sadness overcoming him. "Because every night, we're going to hear Rachel cry in the room next to us, and I'm going to remember how that could've been me, while I'm cuddling you in your room."

"Our room," Kurt smiled. "It's a two-bedroom apartment that me and Rachel pooled into."

"This means I'm going to pay all the bills then," Blaine smiles gratefully at the mention of 'our'.

"Yep, pretty much," He quips, not joking in the slightest. "Are you nervous?"

Blaine snorts, nuzzling his head into his boyfriend's neck, getting into a more comfortable position at the party, "The boy who cried courage is scared shitless, Kurt."

"Yeah, hmm," Kurt hums back, and places a hand into Blaine's hair looking around at his friends. "Me too."


End file.
